Archive for August, 2011

Mama Don’t Wanna

Mama Don’t Wanna – let others define who I am.

Mama Don’t Wanna – doubt that we will sell our house and be able to move on.




Mama Don’t Wanna – Continue behaviors that are self destructive.  If there is something mama doesn’t like about herself, then change it or move on.



A young woman I know and respect posted this on her blog and I am sending you the link with her permission because it touched me so deeply.  Mama don’t wanna be taken for granted, mama wants to be loved like this.






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I wish to enjoy life as I did when I was younger, in my 20’s.  We were very poor, we cooked on an old wood stove but I can still smell the stuffed peppers in that big pot we cooked in. And there was always extra for company.  We didn’t have hot water, but heated the well water on that stove.  But nothing tasted as good as that well water, cold and clean and crisp.  My car didn’t have air conditioning or heat.  In the winter I had to scrape the ice off the inside of the window.  Good times.  It also didn’t have a radio, so each morning on the way to community college I would make up my own weather report, and then sing songs that would be on the radio if I had one.  When my car was in an accident, I just put a bandaid over the dent and life went on.  Everyone, including the gas station attendant, loved that bandaid.  I really enjoyed life, enjoyed just being…

Now, lets just say things are different…  I wish to enjoy life once again.  I learned that it doesn’t really matter how much you have, or don’t have.  It doesn’t matter how successful you are – whatever it is you define success as.  Each of us has the ability to be happy and enjoy each day, each hour, each minute, each moment. 

Oh, how I wish I can enjoy life like that once again.


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And I Choose……


Strange thing happened this morning, woke up with a song playing in my head…ever happen to you?  It was a line from a John Mellencamp song “Oh yea, life goes on.  Even after the thrill of living is gone.”. 

Wake up call, Brenda. 

It’s time to focus on yourself, instead of the people around you.  It’s Brenda time.  Where is she?  What is she like?  What does she want?  It’s ok to be wife, mom, friend…but only if you are Brenda first.  Is my husband happy and does he have what he needs….are my kids happy, do they have what they need….IS BRENDA HAPPY?  DOES SHE HAVE WHAT SHE NEEDS?  Are the petals of my passion and self identity gone?

Step one:  Self Evaluation       Step two: Self Discovery      Step three: Grab a hold of those things that inspire, enlighten, bring joy to my existence and never let them go again!

My house is still on the market I am waiting in anticipation to moving into that small place I spoke about before.  The current owners have a room set up as a massage room, with candles and….I really can’t explain it….it feels peaceful and good and healing in that space.  MY place, MY space, just for me.  Room to heal, room to grow. 

Thank you wishcasting sisters for all your support and wishes.  Sometimes, late at night, when I feel I have lost my way I close my eyes and visualize all  your wishes around me, and then I send wishes out for each of you.  As you wish for yourself, I lovingly wish for all of you, too.



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This was a really hard one for me.  I feel as if I’m in an ocean during a storm and all I can do is tread water.  So many of you have such incredible talents, writting, poetry, photography, art….  I can’t think of one thing I am passionate about, but consider it an accomplishment that I have survived the storm thus far.  We “depersonalized” our house because it is on the market.  It’s like a skeleton of what it once was, nothing personal on the wall, no treasured family items on the shelf, no pictures on the dresser.  This only adds to the stress of trying to sell the house and move on.  But when I do move on, I’d like to take some classes, learn some Tai Chi, how to meditate and find something, anything I can be passionate about.  Chef Ramsey says its all about the  passion.  So I wish to move on soon and find exactly what it is that inspires me, because I don’t have a clue.  Wish with me that I find the things I can be passionate about, the things that inspire me.  Maybe when I finally swim to shore, I will find that what inspires me is me.

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Pennies.  I am finding them everywhere….and I mean everywhere.  I looked at my dream board the other day.  I had put a penny on my dream board just because of that very fact.  So I took a look at the penny on my dream board and guess what?  Its the year I was born.

Pennies everywhere….I’m starting to save them up.  Pennies from heaven.   

I believe this is the way the universe is preparing me to receive wonderful things it has in store for me…that those wishes on my dream board are just around the corner.  I wish that we sell our house soon and the door that I open is the door to my new home.  Closing the door to damaged relationships and disappointments and opening the door to a new beginning filled with hope and anticipation for better things to come.

Every morning I stop for coffee at this little store down the street.  There, on the side of the counter is a small hand decorated box.  They are collecting change for a sick little child.  That’s where my  pennies will go.  I do not believe that gifts from God are to be saved and hoarded away.  They are to  be shared, to be passed on, to multiply.   And that’s where the true miracle is….

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