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And I Choose……

AND I CHOOSE ME….YES ME

Strange thing happened this morning, woke up with a song playing in my head…ever happen to you?  It was a line from a John Mellencamp song “Oh yea, life goes on.  Even after the thrill of living is gone.”. 

Wake up call, Brenda. 

It’s time to focus on yourself, instead of the people around you.  It’s Brenda time.  Where is she?  What is she like?  What does she want?  It’s ok to be wife, mom, friend…but only if you are Brenda first.  Is my husband happy and does he have what he needs….are my kids happy, do they have what they need….IS BRENDA HAPPY?  DOES SHE HAVE WHAT SHE NEEDS?  Are the petals of my passion and self identity gone?

Step one:  Self Evaluation       Step two: Self Discovery      Step three: Grab a hold of those things that inspire, enlighten, bring joy to my existence and never let them go again!

My house is still on the market I am waiting in anticipation to moving into that small place I spoke about before.  The current owners have a room set up as a massage room, with candles and….I really can’t explain it….it feels peaceful and good and healing in that space.  MY place, MY space, just for me.  Room to heal, room to grow. 

Thank you wishcasting sisters for all your support and wishes.  Sometimes, late at night, when I feel I have lost my way I close my eyes and visualize all  your wishes around me, and then I send wishes out for each of you.  As you wish for yourself, I lovingly wish for all of you, too.

 

 

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Inspiration

This was a really hard one for me.  I feel as if I’m in an ocean during a storm and all I can do is tread water.  So many of you have such incredible talents, writting, poetry, photography, art….  I can’t think of one thing I am passionate about, but consider it an accomplishment that I have survived the storm thus far.  We “depersonalized” our house because it is on the market.  It’s like a skeleton of what it once was, nothing personal on the wall, no treasured family items on the shelf, no pictures on the dresser.  This only adds to the stress of trying to sell the house and move on.  But when I do move on, I’d like to take some classes, learn some Tai Chi, how to meditate and find something, anything I can be passionate about.  Chef Ramsey says its all about the  passion.  So I wish to move on soon and find exactly what it is that inspires me, because I don’t have a clue.  Wish with me that I find the things I can be passionate about, the things that inspire me.  Maybe when I finally swim to shore, I will find that what inspires me is me.

Pennies…

Pennies.  I am finding them everywhere….and I mean everywhere.  I looked at my dream board the other day.  I had put a penny on my dream board just because of that very fact.  So I took a look at the penny on my dream board and guess what?  Its the year I was born.

Pennies everywhere….I’m starting to save them up.  Pennies from heaven.   

I believe this is the way the universe is preparing me to receive wonderful things it has in store for me…that those wishes on my dream board are just around the corner.  I wish that we sell our house soon and the door that I open is the door to my new home.  Closing the door to damaged relationships and disappointments and opening the door to a new beginning filled with hope and anticipation for better things to come.

Every morning I stop for coffee at this little store down the street.  There, on the side of the counter is a small hand decorated box.  They are collecting change for a sick little child.  That’s where my  pennies will go.  I do not believe that gifts from God are to be saved and hoarded away.  They are to  be shared, to be passed on, to multiply.   And that’s where the true miracle is….

I wish to nourish me.  Yes, me.  After all these years of nourishing others, its time I focus on myself.  Step one was creating a dream board (with some help and encouragement from my wishcasting friends).  I wish to nourish my spirit, my dreams, myself.  You see, I was afraid to make my dream board.  The background is the house I hope to buy.  Afraid that creating one would just set myself up for disappointment.  Our house is on the market.  What if we don’t sell the house?  What if we don’t make enough to move on?  What if we cannot buy the house I hope to call home? 

What if….  What if…   

You see, I need to dream, to imagine, to look forward to the future with both hope and excitement for what the universe has for me.  I need provide for myself the same encouragement I have provided for others. 

 But, what if…..  What if…

What if I do succeed, what if my wishes do come true, what if the universe smiles on me and says, its about time you realized that Brenda is important too.

Thank you to all your support.  My first wishboard is done….

 

I would like to try and create a wishboard.  For all of you following my not so exciting story of moving, our  house is officially on the market today.  Thank you all for your prayers and wishes that I can move on soon.  But when I do move, how do I focus on change?  Change in my relationships, change in me.  Why not a wishboard?  Today I start compiling the images I have of a new beginning.  So when I am “home”, and am moving and really busy, I can look at my dream board and focus on what it is I really hope for, because  sometimes I get so busy, I forget about my dreams….

I ask that I sell my current “house” and move into my new “home” quickly. If you have been following my blog, you know the story… My current house has a lot of good memories but a lot of unhappy ones as well. So I am asking for a new beginning, a “start over” as we used to say as kids. To fill my new space with positive energy, laughter, peace and happiness. A gathering place for family and friends, a safe haven. So fellow wishcasters, please send me some of that good energy, wish with me that this current house sells quickly and I move home soon.